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Halfway through the movie I pulled out my phone to see who did Splinter’s voice and found out it was Tony Shahloub. I can’t even find a dead-on shot of his face, but I was mesmerized by how cartoonish and horselike he was in contrast to the unsettling realistic textures of the Turtles. Oh, and Splinter looked way more like a horse than he did a rat. And they were already named Splinter, Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael, and Donatello. Now, among this research were four tiny turtles (distinguished by color-coded tags) and a rat. O’Neil discovered that his mutagenic discoveries were being used for less-than-altruistic ends and destroyed his research before being snuffed out. April O’Neil’s father and Bill Fichtner’s villain character were partners in science but Mr. Most dads would go with Tae Kwan Do instead of the guerilla warfare and espionage skills that come hand in hand with name “Ninja”.Īre you pissed off yet? Well, what if I told you that the history of the TMNT universe explored in this film is shockingly similar to the shitstorm that was the Amazing Spider-Man. He trained himself with some Karate For Dummies bullshit book he found in the sewers and then used it as a tool to teach his “children” discipline. As a matter of fact, we later learn (and at this moment I could hear audible groans from OTHER CARS at the drive-in) that Splinter was in not formally trained in the martial arts and in fact only learned ninjutsu himself well into the Turtles’ adolescence. I don’t understand why he wanted them to be ninjas if they weren’t supposed to use their abilities for any reason in particular. Not only did he insist that they avoid detection, he didn’t even want them helping. Except in this one, Splinter was not okay with this. It actually starts out sort of like the 1990 movie The Foot Clan have been committing crimes while the Turtles anonymously thwarted them. Maybe the lip sync was a bit off, but who gives a fuck? If having accurate animation to correspond with dialogue means looking at this new turtles, I vote that the characters are reworked to be deaf mutes.Īnyway, here’s what I can remember about the movie. The Jim Henson suits were a perfect compromise of realism and fantasy, giant humanoid turtles that wouldn’t give a child nightmares.
![teenage mutant ninja turtles 2014 song teenage mutant ninja turtles 2014 song](https://onset.shotonwhat.com/p/pix/m/m1027/201410300000794.jpg)
When you mix realistic turtle textures with human facial structure and lifelike movements, it is not charming. Real turtles, though, have not got teeth, lips, or human eyes. But here’s WHY they look terrible: The previous live action versions of the turtles have been modeled after the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, instead of trying to emulate actual turtles as this movie seems to have been doing. We’ve all known that since the first images were released. Even the scenes that take place in broad daylight against a snowy backdrop are somehow poorly lit and the action is simultaneously frantic and boring. I was there while it played and I didn’t turn the sound off or anything, but the movie is really hard to watch. Now, I don’t want to give the impression that I remember a whole lot about this movie.
![teenage mutant ninja turtles 2014 song teenage mutant ninja turtles 2014 song](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/_V720H_q7X4/mqdefault.jpg)
And boy, oh boy… it was everything we’d thought it would be and so much less! This is one falls into the former category, there was absolutely nothing indicating this movie would be watchable and yet we went and saw it opening night (we’re not entirely masochistic, it was a double feature at the drive-in with Guardians of the Galaxy… sort of like lukewarm piss with an ice cold lemonade chaser). Very often, when I know a movie is going to be awful, I get just as excited about seeing it as I do when I know it will be fantastic. Thankfully, my girfriend shares my fondness for the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon and movies as well as my inexplicable attraction toward terrible movies. I say this not because Johnny Knoxville did the voice of Leonardo in the movie I’m about to discuss, but rather because I watched this film as a sort of lighthearted self-mutilation.
#Teenage mutant ninja turtles 2014 song series
Sometimes I wonder if the MTV series Jackass had more of an impact on me than I would like to admit.